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:iconlittlecloudflower:
First of all, thank you for coming out to say this! I'm glad that this became such a popular deviation and it inspired a lot of conversation in the dA community!

That being said, I do think the writing itself can be improved. While it's amazing that you wrote this, realize that this is not an uncommon topic. To make this poem original and truly yours, it would be great if you add some personal experience or creative imagery/symbolism into it. Many people are commenting that they like the simplicity, and I understand that. The simple language makes the message easily accessible to many readers, unobscured by big words and flowery decorations. But even with simple language, you can add more meaning to it by using comparisons, metaphors, and euphony, and various other poetic devices.

One poetic device that you do use is rhyme, but I feel like it would almost be better if you didn't use it. While rhyming words are memorable, certainly, I think the rhyme in this poem meant sacrificing some of the impact it could have made. The last line is especially a bit jarring: while you always used normal, spoken English word order in the previous lines, the last line reversed "brothers" and "be" to complete the rhyme scheme. This style seems inconsistent with rest of the piece. My suggestion for the future is that whenever you write a poem you want to rhyme, first write down your idea in free verse, then manipulate the rhyme scheme. Free verse usually gives you more freedom of thought and helps you to build a message; rhyme is just the cherry on top that makes the message memorable.

Also, the poems leaves lots of questions: what's the infection like? What might be the protection? Also, as a previous critique said, this does remind me a bit of STDs, especially putting "infection" and "protection" side by side. Not sure that was intentional.

There is one reason that this poem caught my eyes, though, and I felt compelled to critique it: I love your first two lines. "I'm gay/Which doesn't mean stay away." This statement is really simple yet powerful, and here is where the simplicity really worked to your advantage. More than any other lines, these two lines sound like they are honest and come straight from the heart. That's why I gave you 5 stars for vision; it has a very promising start. As for now, I'm not sure you'll want to change anything in this poem, but I hope you'll take my suggestions into consideration when you write your next poem. Good luck!
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

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